Q&A: Eagles Of Death Metal | Dating Tips From Jesse Hughes

When you meet someone who is a master of their craft, you ask them to share their secrets. Jesse Hughes may be the frontman of Eagles Of Death Metal, but his reputation as a world-renowned lover precedes his rock star persona. I was lucky enough to have Boots Electric himself bestow some sagely advice on the fine art of pursuing a woman. Heavy on the misogyny and light on the seriousness, this is advice from “The Devil” himself.

I want to ask you for a bit of relationship advice. What is the first step to romance?
Jesse Hughes: The first thing you have to understand is your quarry or your prey. If you’re going for chicks, then the girl of your desire, you have to understand the relationship she’s had with her father. Identifying the relationship a female has had with her father is key to creating a profile by which you will be able to manipulate her into submission, so to speak. Also, attempting to look like her father when she was about three is a really big key to the relationship. Women, baby girls and their fathers are a unique thing. You only know about women because of how your mother treated you or didn’t treat you. Same thing with women, but women are special, because they typically carry that on. Unfortunately, you kind of want a bad relationship with daddy if you want a more desperate girl… Artistically speaking.

Did you have that kind of relationship with your mother?
No, my mother is the greatest woman I have ever known. Ever. And it’s because she is that she raised me right. But when you raise someone right, you leave them with the opportunity to make a choice for themselves when they’re older. She just showed me where the best sin was, because she took me to church every weekend. I got to really know what the rules were, and therefore breaking them makes it so much sweeter. I’m just one of those guys who doesn’t need the rules to be wrong to break them. I don’t need to pretend God doesn’t exist to be a sinner.

So you’re in a bar, and you see a girl walk in. What do you do?
You look at her with no problem and then you don’t do anything. You can’t do anything. You can’t seem eager. You gotta seem casual. It should be presumed that it doesn’t matter one way or another, you’re just there to hang out. You don’t have to seem like a dick or that you’re cooler than everyone. You just have to seem like, ‘You’re cool, but so is this video game.’ Wait a little bit. Then you have to engineer a moment. If she’s not going to leave to go to another bar, you should be able to estimate you’ve got about three hours of time. Just map out your three hours. Let’s just say on the 45th minute, you’re going to rendezvous with her somewhere. Make it casual, dude. Be like, ‘Hey, what’s up, cool, nice pants.’ Then keep walking. Make contact with her. What you’re attempting to do is establish a path. However recent, having something to draw back to, an anecdote that one can share personally with another is the key. Let’s say about the 55th minute, you engineer another meeting. Now you’ll be like, ‘Hey, remember, the pants comment, cool.’ Not exactly that, but you know. You’re seeing too if you’re gonna like this girl. You’re testing the waters, you’re seeing how she reacts to the jokes or whatever you want her to react to. Forcing the reaction often times forces them to reveal themselves.

Where do the paths diverge from when you want it to be a one night thing, or an actual relationship?
When you don’t call back.

How long do you wait to call back?
You don’t. If you want it to be a one night thing, you wait a week to call so you can set it up again.

But what if you want a relationship?
If you want a relationship, then you shouldn’t have sex with her at all. It’s not worth it, and you should really give her every opportunity to not seem like every other girl to you. I don’t care who you are, but the second you nail a chick that you haven’t met in church, you nail her on the first night, you are ruining the relationship. There’s not gonna be one, man, unless it’s really cool, but that ain’t gonna last forever. I’m telling you, man, discipline is the essence of a relationship.

Has this happened to you?
I lost my virginity to my wife. That’s the truth. I was married for three years and I lost my virginity to my ex-wife. I never would have gotten divorced, because I’m a catholic, and I’m a good catholic at that. But discipline and the essence of purity are quintessential for a good relationship. You meet a girl at a night club, and you have sex the first night, probably, she’ll do it again and she’s done it before. You’re doing the same thing. Why not make a plan? That way, you get a rendezvous again in a different setting, and then you get to test the waters. I think it’s worth it. If you’re possibly going to meet the greatest love of your life, why not wait a night? It will be worth it, because you’ll get even hotter one night sex two weeks down the line.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Oh yeah, I’ve had it broken all the time. Truly, honestly, four times. My grandma used to say, if you can’t get your heart broken, you ain’t really human.

How did you heal that broken heart?
Sex. With prostitutes. No, I’m just kidding. I just keep workin’, you know? I’ve never taken it too hard. I’ve never threatened to kill myself over a girl. I normally am like, ‘You don’t want to be with me? You’re out of your mind. You must be crazy.’ I hold myself in high regard. Not too much, but you must. When relationships go bad, what are you gonna do, cry about it? You cry when things are good, in my opinion.

Can’t you just write songs when things go bad?
A-ha! Bingo. Cha-ching! Turn that frown upside down, buddy boy. Do you guys smoke reefer? Because I don’t. I am not smoking this reefer.

Any advice or personal tales of experience? Words of advice from an experienced man?
Never go to bed angry. Never go to sleep mad at your partner, man. You’ll regret it and it’ll be a poison that you internalize, literally, and it will become the sickness and doom of your relationship.